Getting married is a big step. Not only will you be taking care of yourself but now another person. If you subscribe to the traditional form of marriage then soon or later you will want to ask for your girlfriend parents blessing to marry their daughter. There are a few was to go about it but in the Bahamas there is a simple formula to asking parents for their daughters hand in marriage.
- Talk marriage with your girlfriend
- Meet the parents
- Request a meeting with the parents
- Ask the question and for a blessing
- Start planning your proposal.
Because this can be daunting task for many we will cover these steps on how to ask your girlfriends parents for their daughters hand in marriage
Have the talk
Talk with your girlfriend about marriage. This discussion wont happen in one sitting but its a good idea to talk periodically about marriage to know if its a good time to actually get married. It is well possible that your girlfriend may not want to get married.
Talk finances, talk about children, talk about the roles both of you will play in a marriage. This is serious talk but you have to have this conversation. Keep in mind however, having this talk is not a proposal, its to find out if both of you are on the same page about marriage.
The general talk is used to see if you are ready and willing to go ahead to the next level and if your girlfriend is also ready. Once you are sure she is ready and not just swooning over the thought of having a wedding and not the marriage then you can start planning to talk to the parents.
This conversation has to be dealt with delicately and over time. The reason for this is that you don’t want to tip your girlfriend off that you are thinking of marrying her.
If you do this will make the decision harder as she may not answer truthfully as she may be excited about planning a wedding.
Meet the Fockers… The Parents
I use the term meet the fockers because that movie had a whole lot fo jokes but serious events that could happen to you.
Hopefully by this time you have already met the parents and they have a good idea of who you are and you have a good bead on who they are. If you have not met them yet, and this can happen for a number of reasons, you will wan to take some time out to actually get to know who they are.
The initial meeting does not have to be a formal one and I would say it shouldn’t be a formal meeting, because you want to be as relaxed as possible and you want to get to know each other. If you are not on the same island or same country, it may be best to plan a trip sometime during the holidays or some other special family event. This will allow you to get to know each other under normal circumstances.
Meeting your girlfriend parents can be an overwhelming experience. The key again is to be as relaxed as possible and this goes without saying but be yourself.
If you girlfriend has a good relationship with her parents, chances are they already know of you. If they have somewhat of a strained relationship, the meeting can be a bit tense but its good to know that she loves you and in the end that is what really matters.
Do your best to have a good conversation with the parents. They will want to know about you and your life and you will want to know more about… not their lives in particular but about their lives in relation to raising your bride to be.
This knowledge will give you more in depth understanding of the woman you are about to take on as a wife.
Have a sit down
Once the parents know who you are and you have met its time to go incognito from your girl friend and be a bit sneaky. This is where you should schedule a meeting with the parents, them and yourself only.
Now it may be a bit weird if you met the parents once and then the next week you set this meeting so this comes after some time once everyone is comfortable with each other. This is also important because the parents after meeting you for the first time may not be sure about you dating their daughter so you have to give them some time for you to grow on them while dating.
You will know when things are comfortable enough to actually call a meeting.
The meeting
This meeting can happen in a few ways. One you can discuss it with your girlfriend that you want to discuss marriage with your parents but that means you have already proposed to her in which case they may feel a bit slighted that you did not discuss it with them first.
Secondly you can go ninja mode and meet up with them with out your girlfriend knowing, this way the parents can be a part of your proposal and wedding from the get go. Parents, especially moms tend to like that.
Make a decision on how you want set this meeting up, with or without your girlfriend and then decide where you want to discuss the matter.
- Most often you can simply ask to meet at their home if your girlfriend does not live there or is not home at the time but keep in mind other family members may be present and ruin the surprise for your girlfriend.
- Another option is to invite them to dinner where you can all enjoy a meal together and discuss the matter over dessert.
- Lastly you can simply give them a call if there is distance between the two of you as its still considered polite and understandable.
Traditions
Back in the day, I would say the 40’s up to 60’s. It was normal and expected for a man to ask for a lady hand in marriage by writing a letter to the father.
This tradition was also followed by the father paying for the wedding. This tradition has been fading away in the the new millennium but its still considered having manners and good broughtupsy to at least ask.
If the parents are old school you may want to look up writing a letter followed by a formal request. This will be appreciated by the parents as it shows that traditions and manners have not been lost on you.
Get serious and Ask
During the meeting, although they should already have an idea of why your there just ask the question. If you got to know the parents and they you, it’s going to be obvious why you are asking to meet with them but yet they will most likely give you the time to ask.
If at their home or on the phone its good to politely ask how they are doing continuing with some general conversation but at some point you have to get to the point. This can be the most difficult task for many as the question often comes up, ‘what should I say’.
To the point
This isnt as hard as you may think but if you feel stumped then here is a bit of starter to help you out.
Mr and Mrs So and So, you know I really love your daughter and I know she loves me very much as well. We have been together for a number of years and based on her mindset and the discussions we have had over the years I know she is ready as am I to get married and I would like to have your permission to and blessing to marry your daughter.
This is a simple and straightforward way to word your statement to the parents. 95% of the time the parents will have no objections to your request but there are the few times that parents will have some objections.
Be prepared for such objections and do not take it as if they totally hate you. You may simply have to tighten up on a few areas of your life or relationship before they can feel comfortable with you.
This just means you need to take another look at your relationship and decide if you will respect their wishes for the time being and work on the loop holes.
Ask for a Blessing
If all goes well during the sit down and you ask the question with a good response then its time to ask for their blessing.
Asking parents for their daughters hand in marriage and asking for blessing are two different things.
Asking to marry is a yes or no answer. Asking for blessing is asking for specific words you want the parents to utter.
Now this may be a step over the edge for most persons as its more of a religious and spiritual gesture. Religiously and spiritually speaking (if your not religious but more spiritual) having the parents utter certain words over the permission is like a general giving the work to his subordinates.
A blessing is something that most will ask for in the Bahamian society because the society is typically more religious. Having the parents say we give you permission to marry our daughter and we wish health success and longevity over your union is a tantamount to fighter pilot hearing his superior officer say “you are cleared to fire”, its that powerful
Once you have had the talk and all is well, this is where you can ask for some advice on popping the proposal question to their daughter your bride and wife to be.
Mothers tend to be more vocal at this point and it pays to have the parents on your side as much as possible.
Start the Planning Process
You will find at this point that the mother will most often be overly excited by your request.
In some instances the father may also be excited as well. Its now a good time to discuss with them your ideas and ask them for their ideas on the best way to surprise your girlfriend with a proposal.
I hope it goes without saying that a proposal and engagement are pretty much the same thing, hence it opens the doors to the amount of ideas for it.
Do you want to surprise her with or at a family gathering? Do you want to keep it special at a place that you both love?
Perhaps the parents will be involved in planning a secret engagement party. Whatever you decide its a good idea to include the parents and if possible other close siblings, family or friends of your girlfriend.
You know her but they know more and can help in ways you may not have considered.
The planning process of the proposal is the beginning of wedding planning, and kicks off a spark that usually excites all those involved. Have fun with it and make it memorable.
You will want a good story to tell your children later.
Wrap it up
Asking your girlfriends parents for her hand in marriage is a respectable thing to do especially in the Bahamian society. Most families are close nitted and they will respect you even more and accept you into their family.
Whether your girlfriend comes from a single family home or a family with both parents, its a good idea to take this approach.
Its never good to go into such a deep relationship separate from the family.
We wish you good luck with your life and would like to hear how your sit down went. Comment below so that we would know that this article was useful to you.