Asking parents for their daughters hand in marriage, has been a traditional form of approval and blessing in the Bahamian community for many years. It was seen as a sign of respect for all parties involved, it showed that the groom to be was a responsible person. It gave the parents of the bride a chance to learn a little about the potential suitor and it showed that the groom to be had what we call broughtupsy. It seems however that this tradition may be loosing its appeal in modern society of the new millennium.
Back in the day, which means at least 60 years ago, things were really different. Now when you think of 60 years ago that doesnt seem to be that far away. Its not like its over 100 years or more its pretty much within most of our grand parents or great grand parents era. Things have changed pretty quickly in the Bahamas when it comes to getting married. This could be due to as many say the Americanization of the country or because we now have more diverse persons from other Caribbean countries and the world.
What ever the reason why so little people actually ask parents to marry their daughter we do know, but we do know that it has been on the decline. Lets take a look at why it was such a big deal all those years ago.
It’s all about Respect
When you think of the term good stock in Bahamian terms, it refers to a family that may be a bit old school but more so they like order and for things to done properly. If we look at a family whether a two parent home or a single parent home. The parents have taken the time to raise their daughter properly and keeping their family name clean. It was frowned upon and even in today’s society it is still frowned upon when a family member does something that brings shame to the family name. This protection of the family also extends to marriage. Its called respect. You should respect the family enough to actually sit and have a discussion about marriage and joining families. This level of respect is expected especially when the family is well respected in the community.
Taking the time out to firstly have a dinner, a meeting or a sit down to discuss why you want to marry their daughter shows guts and a level of respect for the opinion of the parents. Back in the day not only did you have to ask for their hand in marriage you had to write a letter requesting a meeting to discuss marriage. This process seemed to be a very old tradition that was passed down but it also stemmed from a mixture of African Traditions mixed with European traditions where a dowry was a part of the discussion. In the end having respect for yourself, your potential bride, your family and your bride to be family is of utmost importance.
How Responsible are you?
Being married is not an easy task. It takes a lot of work to keep things together between two people but more so to keep the house hold running smoothly and dealing with every day problems. Being able to stand up for your self and face the world is a huge requisite for taking on a wife or a husband. However in the Bahamian society where women usually run the household men still have lots of work to do behind the scenes that require a strong will.
Taking care of a family will sometimes require you to step out of your comfort zone hence being able to speak up for what you want. Asking your girlfriends parents for her hand in marriage is a very serious conversation and one that can go either way. It does show responsibility that you not only respect them but that you have the fortitude to actually sit down and are willing to discuss taking their daughter from them and putting her under your own coverage. This is a major responsibility and just having that conversation shows that either you are ignorant with some huge cohinas or your sensible and willing to do what it takes to get things done.
Who ya People?
This is pretty straight forward for Bahamian People. When the question comes up of who ya people is, its referring to your family name. This is to find out how respectful you and your family are and if they are well known in the community. Asking to marry their daughter comes with a sit down usually in the form of a dinner or just a formal meeting make the statement and pose the question of if its ok to marry their daughter. During this sit down if its is not allready known questions come up as to who ya people is. This means what is your last name? what is your parents name? Who are your grand parents and which island or country are they from. Alot can be had from a name, enough to know if you come from a good family.
Locally in the Bahamas there were few names that were considered purely Bahamian. Names like Rolle, Bunch, Fernander and others have roots in the Bahamas from the days of slavery and considered quintessential Bahamian names. Most persons can trace these families atleast up to three generations. Names like Scavella, Dillette, Cates, Percentie and others will tell which island your family comes from or even which country they migrated from. All this is often discussed during the parents sit down and can give a ton of information to the parents about your character.
Broughtupsy
Much like asking who your people is, your broughtupsy is a literally a Bahamian term that refers to the way your were brought up. Its the rules and regulations that were taught and instilled in a person that makes them the person they are today. When someone says you dont have any broughtupsy what they are saying is you were never taught proper etiquette when it comes to speaking to people, working with people or how you conduct yourself in public.
Taking the time to ask parents for their daughters hand in marriage shows that you have good broughtupsy and its something you will also teach your children when you have them. Again this shows responsibility and respect for the parents just by asking for the meeting.
There you have it, some of the main reasons it was considered respectful to ask the parents of your bide to be for their daughters hand in marriage. If these are still important to you or if it seems as if your girlfriend parents seem to be kind of old school, then you may want consider having that conversation with her parents. It will go a long way in showing who you really are and who your people is, and what they can expect from your offspring and a way to continue the upkeep of the both family names.